I Miss You Amma...

14th August,2009...
I could never forget this day for my entire life...I lost someone who loved me more than anyone could ever love me...I saw her lying lifeless,expressionless and fragile...she was very emotional...but that day she was sleeping in silence while all of us wept around her...I just looked at her face and missed her smile...that infectious smile she always wore on her face that could always force anyone to smile back...I thought it was a bad dream..this could not be true...
I touched her feet and she didn't move her hand to place it on my head and then take me in her arms...she still kept lying motionless...Itouched her feet again...this time I held her feet with both my hands and placed my forehead on her feet...she still didn't move...then I realized...Amma is no more...this is not a dream...

I kept looking at her face with tearful eyes...and I didn't want to blink even for a second...because I didn't want to miss even a single glimpse of her...she will be gone forever in a few more minutes...and I will never get to see her face again...never ever...I wished for a miracle to happen...and she would just come back...but somewhere I knew this is not possible...

Then came the moment when people started to take her away...I felt suffocated...as if someone is taking away something that is within me...I felt a pain within to see her go away...I kept following her till a certain distance because I could see feet wrapped in a cloth...I knew it was her...and I wanted to see her till my heart's content...but she went away and never came back...

She left behind her millions of memories...
Her room still smelled of her...she was very fond of perfumes and we used to laugh that Amma has the most amazing collection of perfumes in the entire family...
Her clothes were still there neatly arranged in her cupboard...she always wanted her clothes to be clean,crisply starched and ironed...
Her cupboard...which was a treasure in itself...she kept all the photo albums in there...all our chilhood memories...whenever I opened her cupboard I used to see my old toys and snaps which she kept so nicely..and it made me feel like a child again...it also had a box which had toffees...and till today she would give all her grandchildren one toffee each :)
Her bed...she used to always sit on one side of the bed with her small purse that had precisely 100 buck...a torch which she used in the night to see the time,her glasses,a magazine and her box of medinces...
Her small kitchen garden,which was full of vegetables and fruits...she loved gardening and I still remember how we used to pluck raw guava and eat in front of her just to irritate her...and she would scream at us that she wanted those guavas to ripe so that she could make guava jelly from it...
Her small Mandir...where she would spend 1 hour praying to God while we would patiently wait for the prasad and then for having breakfast together...and every day she would try to offer different prasad to God...I don't know whether she tried to please God with that variety or please her Grandchildren who would keep waiting for the surprise prasad each morning...
Her telephone Diary...which she always complained that half the people in that diary are already dead and still she has their numbers...

She left all of this and went away all alone...she left her kids alone...whom she loved so much that now each one of us feel that we lost someone who was not just our Amma but our friend...who would understand us and take our side and protect us...who would pray to god when we went to give our exams...who would scold our parents if they scream on us...wo was truly everything to us...

I miss you Amma...wherever you are...just be happy and safe...and please take of yourself...I really love you...I wish I could bring you back...I need you...but I also know that you are somewhere around...can't see you...can't hear you...but can feel you...
Love You Amma...